The Doo-Doo Diet


There are diets aplenty out there, from the ever popular Atkins to the trendy Paleo, with a cast of thousands in between. But ask yourself – which of those expert dieticians asked you about what you specifically need for your body type? I’m willing to bet that the answer is none of ’em!

This is about to change, my friend. Today, I reveal to you the most exciting diet concept to ever grace your perfectly formed mind. And here’s the good news – it’s all about you!

This diet will change the way you look at what you eat. It is absolutely guaranteed to produce health benefits to you, right from day one. This is truly the only diet that you will ever need – and here’s the best thing of all – it’s free.

Forget about fancy foods that you have to search specialist shops for. Have done with complicated plans that are as difficult to remember as the seven times table. This diet is as easy and comfortable as your favourite armchair.

It’s name? I call it the Doo-Doo Diet.

Here’s how it works:

  • The next time you empty your bowels, before you flush, take a good look at what you’ve passed. Consider taking a photograph for diagnostic ease, but do note that the smell of your faeces can be an important determiner of health too. (Remember to wash your hands before handling any photographic equipment.)
  • There are many factors to take into account when analysing your droppings, but the Bristol Stool Scale is a good starting point:
    • Type 1: Separate hard lumps, like nuts (hard to pass)
    • Type 2: Sausage-shaped, but lumpy
    • Type 3: Like a sausage but with cracks on its surface
    • Type 4: Like a sausage or snake, smooth and soft
    • Type 5: Soft blobs with clear cut edges (passed easily)
    • Type 6: Fluffy pieces with ragged edges, a mushy stool
    • Type 7: Watery, no solid pieces, entirely liquid.
  • Think about what you see, smell and (for the adventurous only), feel. For example, if your stools are Type 1, then you need more water / roughage, and less white flour, rice and pasta in your diet. If Type 7 then try cutting back on the bran flakes and prunes. If your poo smells rank then it might be worth eating more natural foods instead of the processed (chemicalised) versions, e.g. there’s something in Walkers Salt & Vinegar crisps that makes breaking wind a very unpleasant experience for those around me. Needless to say, I have eliminated this snack from my diet.
  • Work out which kinds of food provide the necessary additions to your diet. For example there’s lot’s of water in a glass of water and a fair bit of roughage (and water) in a nice big salad, so consider adding these to your diet if you have Type 1 stools.

So, there you have it – the latest diet sensation that will revolutionise the way you eat, and make you healthier in the process – The Doo-Doo Diet. Remember – you heard it here first!