Family & Friends

Justin is upper class and does not want to be at this meal. His mother made him come, and then retired to bed before the meal even started. His father passed away the previous year. He has a serious attitude problem and a secret predilection for bondage.

Jezebel is Justin’s sister who is so bohemian and down to earth that it penetrates through to her speech and action at every level. She has thrown off her upper class background and become one with the masses.

Archie is the butler and waiter and is more a part of the family than the children, who suspect that he has been bonking mom for the last decade, at least. He has been with the family for longer than the children have been alive. He is familiar and gregarious and rather ribald at times.

(Scene – Dinner party)

Justin:     Damn shame that Mammar couldn’t be with us tonight – this shrimp is purely to die for!

Archie:   Fanks, mate – I picked that aat specially wiv you in mind.

Jezebel: Maan, you sure know how to pick a shrimp, dude, look at those faces – so cute!

Archie:   Yeah, I picked ‘em for the faces. I fought of you and I picked ‘appy looking ones.

Jezebel: Dude – you rock!

Archie:   Nice of you to say so, Babe.

Justin:     So, what ails Mammar? Has she retired with the sherry decanter, of is she really pooped.

Archie:   Yeah, she done in, mate – proper done in. Got some sorta bug, y’know?

Jezebel: Oh no! Maan, that’s, like, a real bummer!

Archie:   Ne’er mind – she’ll be right as rain in the mornin’ – you watch.

Jezebel: So, you still bonking her, dude? You still making hot dogs in her hot bun?

Justin:     Jezzie – don’t talk about Mammar so! Really – I’m horrified!

Jezebel: Oh wind your neck back in, bro – you know they’ve been at it for years!

Archie:   Quite.

Jezebel: Right on, Archie baby – you rock!

Justin:     Honestly. If Pappar was still here, he would have been heartbroken!

Archie:   Actually, vat’s what killed him mate – didn’t yer mam tell yer?

Justin:     Good Lord – are you serious!

Archie:   Nah – just pullin’ yer plonker.

Jezebel: The doctoring dude said it was, like, a massive heart attack.

Archie:   Well, there was that, but it was that blonde bimbo that put the last nail in.

Justin:     How dare you talk about Mother like that!

Archie:   Nah – not ‘er – that there secretary he had.

Jezebel: Dude – kidding! Seriously?

Archie:   Yeah – he had a real fing for ‘er. Din’t yer mam tell yer?

Justin:     Had a devil of a time persuading him to leave her out of his will.

Jezebel: What? You knew too? Why didn’t anyone –

Archie:   Yer fink we wanted yer turned out o’ house and country club?

Jezebel: Niiice! Good going, dude! Bodacious move!

Justin:     You’re more than welcome, Sis.

Archie:   More wine, anyone. I gotta get off soon, I fink I ‘ears yer mam calling.

Justin:     Must you adjust yourself in that coarse manner, Archibald?

Archie:   Well, needs must, and all ‘o vat. She’s a very fanciable piece o’ flesh.

Justin:     Well, go, go, if you must. The flesh is weak etcetera, etcetera.

Archie:   You speak fer yerself, matey – hard as rock, my flesh is!

Justin:     Well, I must be toddling off myself, actually – early meeting, you know.

Jezebel: Dude, before you go, you got any of that smokable left?

Archie:   I just happens to ‘ave a little somefink right here – enjoy.

Jezebel: Excellent! Well, don’t you boys worry about me – off you pop!

Archie:   Nighty night kids.

Justin:     Good night Sister. Good night Archibald.

Jezebel: Sweet Jesus – mellow, mellow, right on!

(continues at