To Pee or Not to Pee

This is a test to see how many words I can write without having to break off and go for a pee.

I don’t have anything burning that I want to say but I do have a burning desire to do something else instead.

Did you know (you don’t – how could you?) that I’ve never ever peed in a bottle in my life. Ever. And I don’t intend to start now.

Actually, as I get flowing (ooo – bad choice of words) into this exercise (of my pee-holding-back muscles) I realise that when I distract myself by writing something interesting, I’m less liable to feel the urgent, burning desire to pee. The only thing I have to do now is to start writing something interesting, right?

Oh, oh – that’s not good. I’m starting to get a pain in my neck. That means that my cramping up of muscles is spreading up my body and …

Hold on, I have an idea – why don’t I try relieving the pressure by trumping! For those of you who are not from around here, that means … oh – there she blows. πŸ™‚ Actually, that worked admirably as a means to reduce the urge to pee. I think I can last another couple of minutes easily now.

Except that I’m starting to sweat. Hmm – that could be a good thing. I’ve noticed that when I’m in hot countries I pee less. The reason for that is probably due to most of the liquid leaving via my pores. I can drink litres and litres of water and only go to the toilet once – just before I go to bed.And I only pee then

And I only pee thenΒ just in case.

There’s nothing nicer than being safe and cosy inside a mosquito net in the night listening to the little beggars whining outside the net. Conversely, there’s nothing worse than having to get up to pee in the night. You know full well that if they don’t get you while you’re in the act (and you can only imagine where they would aim for) one of them is bound to take a ride on the back of your hair into the net, there to wreak all kinds of havoc. And all the while, she (it’s always the female of the mosquito that sucks your blood) will be giggling to herself during the night of passion she is having at your expense. She will be easy to catch in the morning, full, as she will be, of your blood – but that is scant consolation – believe me.

That’s it – I’m off for a pee now. Four hundred and thirty-eight words.


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