Laptop and Cockroach

Here are two Desert Island Objects that it would be nice to have:

  1. When I think about what I do in life and what I enjoy out of those things, then number one at the moment is writing. If I had all the wants supplied on the desert island then that just leaves the needs; the luxuries. So, I would need something to write with. Forget about giving me a pencil – what I need is the latest MacBook Pro, fully loaded with the latest hardware, software (and a few movies for when I need a break. Say about 1,000 of them. At 4Gb per movie, that would only require a 4Tb drive). Of course, there are not many power outlets on a desert island, so I would need some kind of a renewable energy source – say a nice big array of solar panels. There – that should do it.
  2. Hmm. Thinking about this, I wouldn’t need much else. All the water and food would be supplied and I would have shelter and a nice comfy bed. Would I have a desk and chair for the laptop? Prolly not. I don’t suppose that this is going to be like staying at the Hilton, but then again, perhaps all I need is my lap. I mean, duh – the clue’s in the name, right? So, what extra luxury would I need? An internet connection? Hmm – I doubt that I would be allowed this. Got it! How about a signed guarantee that I would not be required to drink a glass of blended cockroaches. Yeah – that’d do it. Happy is the man with the smile on his face.

She’s still sat there. Granted it’s two days later and she’s done a fair bit of gadding about in the meantime, but there she sits, on the same chair, with an identical (yes I just checked) serene expression on her face – although she did have a little hiccup when I mentioned cockroaches.

I tried to explain to her about the importance of taking a laptop to a desert island, and she did say that it sounded like a good idea, but then she said that it would be more important to take something to drink. ‘Okay then,’ I said glibly – I’ll take a bottle of water too.’

‘Hmm,’ she said, ‘a tank full would be better.’

So, I sat there for a while thinking about which tank would be able to hold the most water – a Crusader or a Panzer. I did consider asking Uncle Google, but then I realised that there’s a man on the OU forum that will know exactly which tank is the most capacious. Trouble is – he may never get to know that I have written this piece due to the crazy way that the forums are organised at the moment. I can say no more about that now – secret squirrel – hush, hush.

And as for the cockroaches, I suppose that there will be plenty of those on desert islands, but luckily, they will be hiding. They only come out in the dark and skitter away under the skirting boards when someone switches the light on. So being as there is no light switch and no skirting boards in the desert, then there will be no cockroaches. And if you’re about to tell me that my logic is flawed then I am poised to put my fingers in my ears and say ‘la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la’ until I see your lips stop moving.

So, in conclusion.

(Yeah, the ending was my version of humour. Granted – cutting edge humour. So cutting edge that no-one will understand it for at least 20 years. Consider yourself privileged to be getting a sneak preview!)

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