It was never enough. Even when he pulled out all the stops. Even when he strained his mind to breaking point. It was never enough. The beatings were not so bad as the glares; and the angry stares not a patch on his private tears. His inner fears.
In his room, where he escaped from darkness into night, he brooded through dreams of silence that sat upon his naked brow as a vulture sits, poised, waiting for movement to cease. And always that smell of burning. He woke to find the ceiling had crept a little nearer and the walls huddled around him as if for warmth. And he knew they wanted more. They always wanted more.
At school, the teachers wrinkled up their noses when he walked by, and the other children curled their lips as if imitating that old rock and roller – the one who died on the karzi. He got the message. It wasn’t difficult to tell that he was rotten eggs in the flower-show.
On fine day – filled otherwise with intermittent fragging and furtive escapes, a new girl came to school. She was … she was perfect. Black this, glossy that, red around the edges. He was smitten instantly. He decided to kill himself that night.
In a life of disappointment and crushing defeat – to fall in love, and be mercilessly denied would be the squashed worm in the bottom of a cup of cocoa. He thought to the rope coiled behind the wardrobe, the hook already fixed to the beam – all load tested and ready to go, and he smiled. His first smile in a very long time.
“Hi. I’m Esme.” She looked into his face. His smile froze. Locked into his reverie he hadn’t seen her approach. A faint scent of vanilla sent a rush of feeling heavenward. He fell into her eyes – a whirlpool of the deepest azure. Blood raced through his mind and her red lips parted again. “But if you ever, ever call me Esmeralda – I will shank you. Understood?”
Nothing existed but her eyes, her lips and the words that fell from her like manna. His was the desert, hers was the rain. He was the turbo-charged, the jet-propelled, the rocket-powered; and she fuelled him and filled him and sparked him to life with the warmth of face and the caress of her words. He was …
He shook himself and swallowed hard. Bile rose within him still and he heaved a frown onto his face, staggering back with the effort. “Back off, bitch.” A snarl as he fell back – ready for the storm.
Laughter like a clear brook caught him in its crystalline embrace and soared his mind through the stratosphere to a place of light and honey. “Seriously?! How did you know that Guns ‘N Roses are, like, my favourite band? Ever! But wait – you’re a fan too. I can tell. What’s your name? I’m …”
“Esme.”
“Dude, your name is not Esme.”
Her smile hit him like a cannonball and razed the forest of gloom from his heart. His scowl fled to the far end of the corridor – shattered and forgotten. The last shreds of sorrow were ripped from his mind and kicked into the corner as the glow of her words warmed and melted him.
“Bartholomew.” The bare shadow of a smile flitted across his face and was gone. “But if you ever, ever call me Bart – there will be war!”
Esme slipped her arm though his and began to pull him down the corridor towards an area of sunshine streaming into the building from an open window.
‘Maybe I’ll kill myself tomorrow,’ he mused as he let himself be led towards the light.
Gosh is what comes to mind. Such an evocative picture. Loved this piece of writing.
What is the future learn course?
Hope you had a good writing session tonight. And glad you felt like talking this evening.
Alison
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Hey, Alison – how’s the Bookcrossing Group going – did you win the quiz? 🙂
Thanks for liking my little story – I really appreciate that. It’s a brilliant session – this story is what I wrote within the hour.
This is the site for FutureLearn: https://www.futurelearn.com/
Keep in touch.
Robert.
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This is amazing, Robert! It’s so poetic and so vivid. I love the second paragraph for the feeling of hopelessness it evokes so well. The walls closing in, can’t sleep, nothing is good enough, more more more. It made me sad but it ended on such a happy note that made me smile. Truly well done. 🙂
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Really? You like it? Really? Wheeee!!
(okay – I’m overreacting, but I really love it when people like my stuff!)
Thanks so much! 🙂
This is what I wrote in tonight’s Creative Writing group (not the OU). It was thought up, written, edited and posted within an hour = and that includes the picture. 😉
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Yes, I loved it!! 😀
It must have come right from your heart then. That’s the only way one can write like this, I think, in such a short amount of time.
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I read it out to the group and I was, like, nearly crying! Rather embarrassing.
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oh, honey, that’s just because you have a beautiful heart!
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We all have, I guess. Mine is just hidden a little more carefully. 😉
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hmmm, I don’t know…about either of those things…
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🙂
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Very dystopian. Nicely done. I really need to ask for a British to American dictionary for Christmas 😉
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Thanks, Dee. 🙂
To be honest, that all seemed like initversal English to me. I really do need to learn the difference – sorry.
Dystopian, huh! Interesting!
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Stop being sorry, sweetie! You’re British, so if you use British slang that’s MY problem, right? Okay, so it wasn’t dystopian? I thought the fragging and furtive escapes were like some military thing. Ruh roh…
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No – just a normal day at school for this guy – sadly.
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Wow, I’ve been out of school a long time…
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You and me both, baby.
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😉
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But Esme is going to help him with that.
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Wow Rob, so many emotions fleeting through here. Loved this.
Sounds like this creative writing class is really opening you up …
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And that wasn’t even one of the exercise!
Thanks, Miriam, I think you’re right. 🙂
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Good stuff man. Sometimes the best writing is the stuff we don’t have time to overthink, tweak and mess with. Straight from the heart and amazing. Love! ✨💖✨
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It was, Meg. Made me almost cry when I read it to the group. And I’m thinking ‘where’s this coming from – I haven’t lived through this!’ But maybe I have on some level.
Thanks for being there, Meg. You’ll never know how much I appreciate you.
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I get that. And even if you haven’t had this EXACT experience, maybe at some point you felt the same kind of emotions. I totally understand why it would have such an impact on you. Much love, Robert!
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I can think of some – yeah. Thanks, Meg – right back at yah!
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Robert, this is a beautiful story. What a wonderful ending to a lovely beginning, “he mused as he let himself be led towards the light.” Please have a fantastic Wednesday. ~ Mia
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Thanks so much, Mia. 🙂 I was wondering if I ought to write more about these two of if I should leave it at that. If I write more, it’s going to be kind of sad (and a little ironic, after all the effort Esme will put in) when he dies of that brain tumour. Still, it will be rather a multi-layered story, so that’s okay. Ultimately we will have to judge which is the most important – his spiritual / emotional redemption or the survival of his body. I know where your vote would go, Mia. 🙂
Hope you have a great Wednesday too.
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You’re so welcome Robert. Sometimes less is more, I think the story tells itself at this point, and leaves the reader with a smile. Thank you for the Wednesday wishes! ~ Mia 🙂
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‘Nuff said.
If you stick around, Mia, I may even offer you Thursday wishes too. 😉
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Is that right? 🙂
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… play your cards right, luv, I might even wish you a good week! 😉
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🙂
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Brilliant ! An amazing piece of writing Mr. Robert. Your last paragraph made me smile profusely.
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It’s good that you ended the piece with a smile. I imagine that you were quite worried about Bartholomew up until that point. 🙂
Happy to meet you – my name is Robert and I live in England.
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Same here. Yes your imagination was correct. Nice meeting you to- I am Revati and I reside in India
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Hi Revati, it’s so good of you to come all the way to England to read my humble blog. I hope that the journey was not too arduous and that you saw some nice movies on the flight. 😉
Kindness – Robert.
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Hehe! Mr. Robert. No the journey through your blog was stupendous. I am enjoying it.
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(blushing) thank you so much, Revati! 😀
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(scarlett) your welcome Mr. Robert😊
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hahaha – sweet Revati. 🙂
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😇-robert
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Exquisite writing! You describe things so vividly!!! I loved it
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Wow – thanks for saying that! You leave me with a big smile on my face. 😀
By the way – why are you celibate?
Kindness – Robert.
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Hahahaha definately not by choice!My boyfriend doesnt believe in sex before marriage. I know how to pick them right? lol
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(big smile) I know exactly how you feel – my wife doesn’t believe in sex *after* marriage. Life! 🙂
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Hahahaha literally laughing so hard I am crying right now…You have seriously made my day
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It’s a gift I have – making grown women cry! 🙂 I’m thinking that a career as a clown might not be the best for me – what do you think?
I’m Robert, by the way – in York (towards the north of England (on a little island to the north-west of Continental Europe)). Nice to meetcha! 🙂
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Hehehehe as long as your not a clown on halloween.. pretty sure that night will end in a jail cell hehe. I am actually from Enfield. It is on the outskirts of north London
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Yeah, I heard about that – don’t worry – I have no intentions of going anywhere but straight to the cinema on Halloween. I’ll be hiding away. 🙂
I’ve never been to Enfield, but like the good little stalker-boy I am, I typed it into a browser, clicked on the map and then dropped that little yellow wriggly-man in the middle of Enfield. I’m stood outside Nando’s now, looking at the menu. 😉
We’re virtually neighbours! Nice to meet you. You have a nice weekend planned?
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Hahaha liiie! its not that close lol. Halloween parties all round! Has to be
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Considering that the people I’m chatting to now are in Australia, North America and Enfield, then I would say neighbours about covers it. 😀
Well, enjoy the parties. Don’t eat too much chocolate (I know – no such thing as too much, right?) and keep safe.
Yeah – this is your mom. 😉
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lol Thank you. you too
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Will do. 😉
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