More Cake


“Hello, Chuck – sorry I’m late – what’s up!”

“Nothing. Just sat on the platform, waiting for God. You know.”

“Waiting for who? I thought you were waiting for me?”

“Yes, my dear.”

“Look, I’m only an hour late, what’s your problem?”

“Nothing. I just – ”

“If it’s nothing, what you got the mug on for, then? Did you think I’d been got by terrorists?”

“Well, there’s always the possibility.”

“Nah, not me, mate – I’m fireproof I am! What you got there?”

“Well, this is the Fortnum’s Celebratory Chocolate Salted Caramel Layered Cake.”

“Is it indeed! What’s it got in it?”

“Well, according to the box it has – ”

“Give it here!”

“Darling – do be careful, it’s rather delicate.”

“A fresh chocolate sponge layered with decadent salted caramel and pieces of buttery shortbread biscuit. Ooo – I don’t know if I’ll like it!”

“Well, it’s not actually for -”

“For eating now? It’s alright, I’ll just have a small piece.”

“What? No! It’s -”

“Oh, stop fussing – look, the box is open already!”

“I know, but -”

“Just a teensy slice to keep me going until tea. You got a knife?”

“Oh God!”

“No? I’ll just have to use my hand then won’t I!”

“Give it back to me – now!”

“Hey up – what you doing? You give me a cake and then try to snatch it back? Rude!”

“Oh God, oh God, oh God -”

“See – my fingernails are as sharp as anything!”

“- oh God, oh God, oh God.”

“Here, what’s this? There’s something hard inside it?”

“Allahu Akbar -”

“Blooming heck, why’s this cake got wires inside it and … what did you just say?”

“- Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar -”

“Fricking hell, Mo – this cake’s ticking!!”

“- Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar -”

“Jesus fricking Christ!!”

“- Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar -”

“Shut up for a sec, will you? How long have I got?”

“Three seconds. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar -”

“That’ll do me. Yam, yam, yam, yam, yam, yam, yam, yam, ya -”



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