Tragedy

“When you lose control and you got no soul, it’s tragedy.” (Bee Gees)

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If only the Ancient Greeks had access to the internet, then they would have had no need to wallow in sorry dramas about the sufferings of their woe-begotten protagonists.

Picture the scene in Athens, circa 450BCE:

(Aeschlyus enters the Cornerside Café where Euripides and Sophocles are sat at a table knocking back the ouzo.)

Aeschlyus: By my curly beard, Rippy, I’ve just spent a gloomy morning with my son writing this new play Prometheus Bound. The bugger wants to kill everyone off – even the good guys. I swear sometimes he’s channelling Geórgios R. R. Martin. It’s a tragedy, I tell you!

Euripides: Welcome, my friend! Come sit with me and Soppy, and you can tell us all about it. Servitóros – a tumbler for my buddy here!

(a new tumbler arrives and is filled)

Sophocles: (raises tumbler) Here’s to an end to Tragedy and fresh start for happy-clappy drama that doesn’t send you home with sodden cheeks.

All: (raise tumblers) Yamas!

Euripides: You come at an auspicious time, Aeski – the café owner has just had Unlimited Superfast Fibre Optic Broadband connected, so all we have to do now is wait for PCs to be invented and we …

Café Owner: Done – I’ve just installed computers in the back room and there’s a new sign going up this afternoon: ‘Aperióristi Soúper grígori Optikón Inón Evryzonikés Cafe’. Catchy – right?

All: (raise tumblers) Yamas!

Euripides: Right then, lets check those new-fangled machines out. C’mon Soppy, put Pokémon Go away for a minute – let’s show Aeski that song.

Sophocles: Ah yes, the song! You’ll like this Aeski – once you hear it, you’ll realise that all those tragic plays you’re writing are just so dreadfully dated in comparison.

(The three friends move to back room and fire up the internet.)

Aeschlyus: Type what?

Euripides: YouTube. Gamma, omega, upsilon, tau, upsilon, beta, epsilon – YouTube!

Aeschlyus: Γωυτυβε? It says ‘No results found for Γωυτυβε’. Did you mean Γουτυβε? 

(An hour passes)

Euripides: Ah, this looks rather promising.

Sophocles: That’s it! Click it, click it, click it!!