All is Water

Some Greek chappy called Thales (c. 624-546 BCE) thought up the idea that all matter has water (rather than water, earth, wind & fire) as its basic substance. This is kind of significant because it turned thoughts of origins and explanations away from the  supernatural. And it was all pretty much downhill from that point on.

Okay, all is not water. There’s some water in pretty much everything, but that doesn’t mean that it is all water. Thales was perhaps a really nice guy, but he probably ate cheese just before he went to bed and then, the next morning, scrawled whatever crazy dream he had in the margins of his latest philosophical opus and then it got typed up by his secretary by mistake.

Here’s how to turn your crazy dreams into a fantastic manuscript:

  • Eat Cheese Late. It seems that there may be traces of psychoactive compounds in cheese that, when combined with the release from the senses that sleep gives, makes for the most marvellous dreams. Sounds good to me – cheaper than LSD I guess (although I’ve never tried it – I’m saving the experience for my 100th birthday party – and, of course, I’ll tell you about it on my blog).
  • Record Your Dreams. And by this I don’t just mean write them down (but do that too) when you wake up (absolutely impossible on a phone – believe me – I’ve tried it). It’s possible to get voice activated apps that record the things you say in your sleep. I’ve never tried this either – too scared that I would hear some sort of possessed monster voice. Yeah, I know – I should be telling this to a shrink! But still – you should record it all.
  • Embellish your Recordings. If you catch yourself early enough, and go through the rough notes you scrawled in the midst of a blurry-eyed midnight wakening, you will be able to add all sorts of detail. It might feel like you are making stuff up at this point, but hey – we’re talking about hallucinations you had whilst under the influence of a psychoactive substance here – who the heck is going to be able to tell the difference?!
  • Type it Up. Transfer all your meticulous notes, incoherent grunts and wild embellishments into a neatly typed article with immaculate formatting and a delightful picture of a sleeping kitten at the top. Make sure that you choose a delicate, yet sensible font and that the colour scheme is to die for. Okay, okay, yes – I’m just padding this section now so that it’s about the same size as the others. Listen – OCD is a real thing you know. I just thank goodness I don’t have it.
  • Send it Off. And by this I don’t mean type up your salacious dreams and send them to a random person that you just met on the internet in the hope that they will reply to you in kind. That kind of thing just doesn’t work out … I imagine. I mean, not that I would … Ahem, okay – you should totally send your crazy dreams valuable manuscript to a publisher or two because this is what the world has been waiting for. Really.

You think I’m kidding about recording, typing up and sending weird dreams off to a publisher? You think it’s a mad idea? Well if that’s the case then what about Alice In Wonderland, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Wizard of Oz, The Hungry Caterpillar, and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets – you think that sh..tuff just comes to people as they’re looking out of their back-bedroom window at the scrubby patch of grass they call a garden? No way Jose – those books inhabit the same crazy a** dream territory that we’re talking about here. Oh, this section is a bit too long now … what to do? I know – chop it in half and let this part be the afterword. Okay – done.

Sweet dreams!



32 thoughts on “All is Water

    • Hey Jyoti!
      Thanks for that!
      Yeah, the pic was a late addition!
      Hy to you too, chicklet – it’s been too long 🙂
      Things are good here – I keep writing and reading and walking and eating – all good – how about you?
      Profound? Maybe. Wrong – certainly. 🙂
      All is energy!! Yeah.
      I love you, Chick – be good. 😀


  1. I was always told as a kid if you ate strong cheese before you went to bed you would dream… I was also told that if you really thought long and hard about something before going to bed you would dream about it… both are lies… lies I tell you.

    Liked by 1 person

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