The Twelve Olympians

Wanna know how to create a whole new, wacky universe? Just follow these easy to follow steps that I just made up off the top of my pretty little head and before you know it, you will be the proud owner of something completely different.

The steps:

1. Find a totally unbogus world to use as your baseline. Here, we will take The Twelve Olympians. Note the subtle change I have made to the description: “The most important goddesses and gods in the Greek geek pantheon.” See what I did there? Yes – I’m going to populate a geek heaven. Yay!
2. Oh, and you might want to change the title to something like The Twelve Geeklians (or something like that).
3. Next up is to find yourself a list of the names of the denizens of the original world. Wikipedia helpfully lists them as “Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Ares, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Hermes and either Hestia or Dionysus.”
4. Then you’ll need to find some new names. I choose to make mine rhyme with the originals, but you could use anything you like, so long as the new names are kind of funny, and they kind of fit in with the values and ethics of the new universe. To get the rhymes I used RhymeZone, which is a searchable rhyming dictionary. My results are:

• (Old Name New Name – Justification)
  • Zeus Dr. Seuss – because he is the true god of all of geekdom
  • Hera Madeira – because it is a cool and geek-like word for cake
  • Poseidon Widen – because geeks who eat Madeira (the cake that is) will inevitably get wider
  • Demeter Heater – because geeks don’t dig being cold?
  • Athena Ballerina – because all geeks were made to do geeky things by their parents
  • Apollo Wallow – because what geek does not like to wallow in success (and bed (and chocolate (and superfluous brackets)))
  • Artemis Artlessness – because geeks hang out in their own crowd and think of other crowds as being artless
  • Ares Caries – because geeks might want to get out of their head every now and again and drop an acid tab. (turns out though that LSD doesn’t rot your teeth – it’s a myth)
  • Aphrodite Tighty–whities – because geeks aren’t always the most clued up people when it comes to fashionable clothing
  • Hephaestus (absolutely no words rhyme with this on RhymeZone) Festus (well how come I could find one then?) – because it sounds a bit geeky, alright?
  • Hermes Furrys – because geeks may not shave as often as other people (and yes, I’m talking about both of the two main genders here)
  • Dionysus Biogenous (producing or produced by living things) – because it’s getting late and I need to get on with life here man!

I can’t figure out how to get WordPress to resume the numbering at #4 so that’ll have to do for now. I may add more steps when the software gets an upgrade, but hey – you get the basic idea – right? All you need to do now is find and twist your own new universe.

No, you can’t steal mine!