Exorcism

Cast out your demons! And by this, I don’t mean the little red guy sat on your shoulder – I mean your bad habits. I mean the things that prevent you from getting down to business in the writing game.

Here a few things that might bedevil your progress as a writer, and some suggested solutions:

  • Pride. Here’s your profile: your name is Jack, and you’re alright. You write stuff off the top of your head and you never go back to edit it into shape. Hey – if it’s good enough for your mother, then it’s good enough for the world – right? Wrong. According to Ernest Hemingway ‘the first draft of anything is sh*t’ and who am I to disagree. I’ve already recorded an amazing list of ways to handle redrafting so I’ll let you click on that as soon as you’ve learnt how to swallow your pride.
  • Envy. Do you ever get the feeling that it’s not what you know, it’s who you know? Do you think that it’s useless to even try to write good books because you’re never going to catch a break because you’re too girly or too macho or too old or too young or too black or too white etc. etc. etc? Well then you’re probably not going to bother are you? More fool you, I say! Everyone, and I mean everyone who ever made it big in the publishing world (with the possible exception of Emily Bronte who has, to date, only written one novel: Wuthering Heights – what’s that all about?) has had to put a shift in. So step out of your mouldering shower (rhymes with Ivory Tower (no – I’ve no idea why I said that)) and get on with some work.
  • Wrath. This means getting angry a lot – right? Okay – here’s the thing: if you can’t control your anger then there are classes you can take these days. And then when you get home you can write about your experiences. In fact – you can write about pretty much anything! See, I’m doing it now. The cat, forsooth, did lie amat. Heck, you can even make words up and people will just think you have a finely tuned sense of humour. Honest, it’s enough to make you throw the potty out of the window. Erm. Okay – where was I? Oh yeah – don’t get mad – get writing. Next!
  • Gluttony. This means that you want a Big Publishing Contract and so you don’t do something that might make you just as happy. Forget the moolah – slap your book on Kindle Direct, Lulu, or Smashwords. All are more than capable of selling as many copies of your masterpiece to your Aunty Mabel as she wants so that she can give them all to the members of her knitting circle. ‘Look what my favourite nephew wrote – isn’t he just wonderful?!’
  • Lust. Give, Give, Give Me More, More, More is a cracking song by The Wonderstuff, and this item is pretty much the same as Gluttony, so that makes it a bit of a waste of a deadly sin if you ask me. Surely they could have put something useful in instead, like Fear of Dying Before Reading all the Books you Want To – something proper that we can all relate to! Gah!
  • Sloth. Can’t be bothered with this one. Yeah, I know – old joke – been done before. Yadda yadda yadda. Anybody’d think it was late and I wanted to get this finished and go to bed. Hmph.
  • Greed. Oh, not – wait – it’s Greed that’s like Gluttony, not Lust. Ah well – what’s done is done – pass me another slice of that cake and we can … what do you mean I ate it all?
Don’t worry if you think that you don’t have any of these – it’s probably because you’re a saint. That, or you’re bonkers. Either way – have a great day and night at your writing desk and don’t forget to turn the light out when you leave. Save the Planet and all of that. Yay!
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31 thoughts on “Exorcism

  1. Hmm, interesting. Trying to relate, but not sure where I stand, don’t think I’m a saint by any means but not sure whether I have too many demons either. Light’s off, see you when you wake up!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Ha! Mouldering shower! Quality.
    This has been the very first thing I have read today, and it has helped me wake up, smile, and interestingly enough, encourage my bowel movements?? – so thank you for that.
    I quite liked your list, especially when it became clear that you couldn’t be bothered continuing. And yes, as good ol’ Ernest said, there is no such thing as good writing, there is only good re-writing, and re-writing and re-writing…yada yada yada. It is very true.
    The only thing that I don’t redraft are my comments. But I don’t give a toss about my comments.
    Anyway, blessed be the day upon us.
    Be good, brother.
    HG

    Liked by 3 people

    • Hiya Henry – first of all – thanks for reading. Second of all – thanks for sharing that fascinating little anecdote about your bowel movements on my blog – most appreciated (only slightly sarcastic). 🙂
      As for continuing the list – maan, it was getting too late in the day to be thinking about sin and the cure thereof. Religious dudes have been going on about that stuff for centuries and they’re still at it, so what hope did I have! 🙂
      Ernest? Yeah.
      Comments? Now it’s interesting that you should say that. I’ve just signed a major publishing contract with the aim of turning my comments into a poetry book. What with me being so poetic and all of that, I thought that I ought to case in on my obvious talent.
      Just to be clear – only part of the above (after the word ‘comments’) is true.
      Thanks, on behalf of the day, for the blessing; and yes – you too bro.
      Robert.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re hilarious Rob. I love how you go off on a rant and then come back. I can just imagine what you’re like in person.
    This post made me smile.
    Hope you’re having a great day.
    🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Aw, Staci – you’re such a sweet chick (can I say that?). No – in ‘real life’ when I start ranting people just stop listening to me and so I peter out into silence.
      Glad that someone listened to me to the end this time – tell the world what they’re missing, Staci. 😀
      Yeah – my day is going real well thanks – how’s is your day feeling in your heart?

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      • Hahahahahaha. And many more ‘ha-s’ @can I say that? I don’t get offended with stuff like that. Only if it’s meant to be offensive. People here, heck even I call myself a ‘gringa’.
        You know, you’re not the only one. My mom once told me that she has to prepare herself for when she talks to me on the phone. I start telling her a story, and by the time I’ve finished, I’ve told about five stories throughout that one. WE even suspect I have ADHD. Never been diagnosed thought.
        Great to hear your day went well.
        🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      • Had to look up gringa. It’s either a taco or a white person from abroad in a Latin American country. I’m going to guess you mean the latter. 😀
        No one has yet been able to explain to me why they can’t listen to me. I think that I’m really clear and straightforward but something is getting in the way. It’s really good to find a place like this to chat – it’s a lot freer and I’m meeting some really interesting people – you being an excellent specimen! 😀
        Oh – the building is safe. Yay!

        Liked by 1 person

      • A taco? I’ve never heard that before. Yes, I am a white person from a different culture in a Latin American country. Exactly that. Hahaha.
        “It’s really good to find a place like this to chat – it’s a lot freer and I’m meeting some really interesting people”
        –I agree. Blogging is really a special invention, isn’t it? I have thought the same thing too. People seem to open up more when they’re not seen. Like I said in another comment to you, I believe we were made for relationship and connection. Blogging provides that for today’s reality.
        You also are ‘an excellent specimen’. Hahaha.
        Ohhhhh, ok @ the building. I had asked about that in another comment just a few minutes ago. Good thing.
        🙂

        Like

      • Check this out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gringas for the fully skinny on tacos. 🙂
        Oh – phew – I did tell you that the building didn’t burn down – good thing that you were not worrying all this time.
        I totally agree with your agreement of my agreement with you that we are in agreement that we are excellent specimens. 😀
        Getting rather high on chocolate now – let me know when I stop making sense to that I can concentrate on making more sense than the nonsense that I must assuredly be …
        Okay – it’s around about now that I should stop and for a walk – yes? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • How about that eh. I’ll have to try and make some gringas some time. Except I’d put chicken instead of pork.
        Hmmmmm, I think I’m understanding. You haven’t lost all sense yet. Hahaha.
        I’m sure the walk did you some good.
        🙂

        Liked by 2 people

      • Ohhhh, you’re vegetarian. You know, if I could, I would be a vegan. I just can’t. Almost impossible here in Brazil. Actually, I’ve gone that route a couple of times, and it did me immense good. Every so often I do that.
        You could always make the gringas with tvp, right? 😉

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      • I reckon that in the privacy of one’s own home,could put whatever the heck one wanted in one’s own gringa. 🙂
        One could put meat in, or one could put any kind of meat substitute.
        I reckon that some vegetables would be suitable for putting in a gringa too – one would just have to be rather selective. Some would be nice and others might be rather … strange. I guess it all depends on what one likes. 🙂
        I’ve thought about being a vegan too and it would be possible here, but I’ve never made that leap. I just love milk and cheese too much I guess, and the substitutes aren’t quite up the scratch. Yet.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hahaha, I say Rob, those are a lot of ‘ones’ in this comment. I also love cheese. Not so keen on milk, but the cheese is too yummy. Especially with our homemade spicy guacamole. Love the stuff.
        🙂

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      • Yeah – guacamole just isn’t the same without a pinch of fresh chilli in. Goes so well with hot toast! I call guacamole zaboca choka, where I make those 2 words rhyme. Mashed up avocado tastes just as good in any language though. 🙂
        And yeah – one is inclined to agree with you about the superfluosity of ones. 😉

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