Regicide

Zombies and kings have something in common – the most popular way to kill them is to cut off their heads.

Zombies are not, and will not be, the only fictional (you hope) creatures to have made it from the pages of pulp fiction to the big screen. For your delectation, I’m now going to speculate on the next big thing to topple zombies from their throne, in the kingdom of schlock horror. Follow my words closely if you want to get in on the ground floor.

Here is my blue sky thinking about the spiritual successors to the zombie:

  • Upwardly Mobile Downtrodden. I’m sitting in the M&S cafe watching a girl who is clearing tables and wiping them down. I swear that sometimes, I see something nefarious glittering in the back of her eye. Some slight glint of malice lies beneath layers of training in subservience. I do hope I’m out of here before it happens, but am I seeing the first signs of the Rise of the Downtrodden! Oh no – she’s looking this way – how could she know?!
  • Silver Slashers. I’m watching this old geezer out of the corner of my eye. He’s rotund and slouchy, but that means nothing. Sitting at the next table he seems to be contentedly sipping his coffee and tapping his knee in time to the Dolly Parton song playing on … Oh, wait, he’s up and moving! He’s walking towards me and … I’m sure there was a knife on his table a moment ago. Where is it now?!
  • Revenge of the Juicy Bits. When I bought the bottle of orange juice on the table in front of me I was very careful with my choice. I read this morning of a secret government scheme to weaponise this innocent-seeming liquid. It involves sentient nanotechnology hidden in … yes, you guessed it – the juicy bits! They claim that it’s in the interests of national security, but we all know that things like this always go horribly wrong! If you don’t believe me, you can look it up yourself at http://www.ijustthoughtupthisconspiracytheoryforalaugh.com.

As I glanced in the mirror just now I noticed a rope ladder hanging out of an open hatch on the side of my head. Running my fingers over over the hole I came across a piece of paper, thumb tacked to my skull, with the following writing:

Dear Robert, I’ve decided to take a break. You don’t need me at all. Let me know when you’ve done wasting your time on these crackpot theories. Kind regards – Your Brain.

And as I look up, I notice an old bloke slipping into the loo, hand in hand with the table wiper girl. She’s holding a bottle of orange juice and … what’s that grey, spongy looking object in his hand?

Excuse me, I have something I need to do …

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33 thoughts on “Regicide

  1. You have a wild imagination! If someone really removed your brain you wouldn’t be doing anything at all. As for zombies, I’m totally not interested in them in any form. I do kill some in a game a play but, trust me, this game isn’t all about killing zombies. I don’t cut anything’s head off though that would be fun I think. Nope, me and my trusty mercenary (merc for short) just beat the daylights out of stuff until they tip over dead. And there are to scorch marks or bloody slash marks anywhere it sight. The critters are fighting back and are perfectly capable of killing us as well. We usually win and if we don’t, we choose another place to adventure. Excuse me… I hear my game calling.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Maybe I did, maybe I don’t need it – that’s for you to decide I suppose. 😉 The Ancient Greeks did not hold with the theory that thoughts come from one’s own mind/brain, they thought ( 🙂 ) that thoughts are messages from gods and goddesses. What’s your experience? 🙂

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      • Heyyyyy Rob. Please do forgive me for taking so long to reply. I have been so busy and haven’t had the time that I would like to blog this week. Hopefully next week will be a bit better, although it may not be considering I am trying to get everything in order to apply for my daughters Canadian passport.
        Anywhooooo, so interesting that you should mention the ancient Greeks and their thoughts on creativity. The Romans used to think creativity was divinely inspired. They used think that there were geniuses (not meaning an intelligent individual), but divine spirits hidden in the walls. Elizabeth Gilbert (the author of Eat, Pray, Love) spoke about this in one of her Ted Talks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86x-u-tz0MA
        I just posted yesterday, and this is precisely the topic I posted on. The whole idea of creativity and it being divinely inspired.
        Anyhow, that’s my two cents worth. Hahaha.
        Hope you’re having a great day.
        🙂

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      • Hiya Staci – now it’s my turn to apologise. It’s been three whole days since I replied to anything that anyone has said to me and I have missed you (all of you 🙂 ) so very much. All I’ve managed to do it post a post per day and even then – one of those was a joke! 🙂 I’ve been away for a couple of days with friends, and you know what it’s like – all they want to do is talk, talk, talk. 🙂
        It’s strange, but I actually prefer talking here, because at least here I get to finish what I was intend … Oh – I have to go, someone is calling me!

        Hahaha – only joking! 😀
        I love it when thoughts synchronise. You talking about divinely inspired creativity at the same time as me must surely have been divinely inspired in itself! 🙂
        I’ve just started to listed to Elizabeth Gilbert. Let’s hope my multitasking skills are up to task. What? She’s doomed! What’s that all about?!
        Later, Staci. 😀
        (oh – and yes – I’m having a great day – you?)

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      • Heyyyyy Rob, no apologies necessary. I always take the weekends off. Saturdays are sacred to me. Hahaha. I’m so busy all week that I once Saturdays comes around, I make it a point of not having any commitments. I sleep in, eat breakfast in front of the TV. I don’t even have to go out at all and I’m a happy camper. Hahaha. I live in a community situation so there are always people close by that I can see too.
        Most of my blogging this afternoon has been focused on responding to comments even. Hahaha. I posted on Thursday and had comments that I desperately needed to respond too. On Friday I had little time to respond because I was rushing around going to the doctor and then get pics taken for my daughter’s Canadian passport. Ugh.
        Sounds like you had a nice weekend though. Did you have fun?
        Ohhh hahahahah @because at least here I get to finish what I was intend.
        So what did you think of Elizabeth Gilbert’s talk?
        Hahaha, hope the multi-tasking worked. I know it can be tough for men. Lol.
        🙂

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      • Lots of things are tough for men! We’re just so lucky that we have woman to keep us on the straight and narrow so that we do not walk off into the wilderness and fall down potholes and stuff. 🙂
        That community sounds wonderful. It must be really great to have that level of support! I bet hardly anyone wanders off and falls down a pothole. 🙂
        The weekend was kind of fun. Some walking, some talking, some eating, no potholes. Ha – I was just thinking that I read whilst walking along to work (and back) and … if a pothole opened up beneath my feet then … I would be sorely tested!
        I loved that talk! She’s a very wise and witty woman. Reminds me of you actually. 😉

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      • Hey Rob, yes, I love living where I do. If you and your wife ever want to come and visit, I’m positive you would love it. Just the other day I saw a little family of Tucans. Couldn’t get my phone out fast enough to take a pic though. Super bummer. Our base here is beautiful actually. Full of trees, flowers, hills. It’s wonderful.
        Oh yes, I enjoyed that talk too. I love Ted Talks actually. Sometimes I put them on the TV.
        Hope you’re having a great Wednesday.
        🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Morning Staci! 🙂
        Wednesday was wonderful for me – hope it was good for you too and that you managed to catch up with those Tucans or some other beautiful family of hills, trees or flowers. 🙂
        Ted Talks are truly phenomenal. Whoever thought up the idea of getting the best thoughts of the best minds and putting them on this platform for free is getting a lot of blessings from me and others like me who appreciate a good thing when they see it.
        Thanks for the invite – I’m pretty sure that we would love it there. 🙂

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      • I don’t think so, unfortunately. Haha
        I just checked their site and couldn’t find it uploaded there. Must be because it’s not in English. Couldn’t even find it in Youtube. I filmed just my husband, but haven’t uploaded it yet.
        🙂

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