I want to see into the heart of the being. I want to let the layers of perception fall away into the periphery of my life and see the joy and experience of being at the heart of all life. I want to raise my voice in praise of the light at the beginning (not the end) of the tunnel. I want to breathe peace in and then swamp the whole of everything with this peace. I want to be a conduit for all the positive energy in the entire universe. I want to bathe in the ocean of light and life so that I become clean and clear enough to be a vessel for God.
That’s how I feel right now.
Physically, I am on a chair that is a little too low for this keyboard and so my shoulders are hunched up a little in order for my wrists to rise about the edge of this laptop. Still, I can feel the impact of my flesh on those metal edges. Wait – let me get another cushion. There – that’s much better.
My eyes are windows for the light emanating from this screen. Squiggles resolve into letters. I’m going to close my eyes now. I feel a fear as I contemplate this. DOne,My eyes are now sclosed and I am rtying uin tge dark, i havd yet to tryst thius process and I can feel myself missing many keys. OOening ehtm agian now. Okay – I’m now going to bold the parts I typed without the use of my eyes – but without correcting anything.
Can you read what I typed?
I just read the words back, and I can figure it out from comparing my memory of what was said, with what I can see on the screen. This is what I meant to say: “Done. My eyes are now closed and I am typing in the dark. I have yet to trust this process and I can feel myself missing many keys. Opening them again now.“I think I did quite well actually.
I think I did quite well actually, but what do you think?
The fear I felt just before closing my eyes did not seem to be warranted. It wasn’t actually as ‘bad’ as I thought it would be. But I wonder – why I did feel fear at all? I mean – I was just sitting in my chair the same as before and I knew that there was no danger of falling off. I was safe. So, what then? Perhaps it was a fear of failure? Or maybe a fear of the unknown? Or maybe a fear of making a fool of myself in front of all you people?
It’s interesting to note that, although my eyes were closed, I could still ‘see’ the screen. I don’t just mean that the light leaked through the thin skin of my eyelids (although it did). I mean that I visualised it in my mind. Sight, it seems, is not just about using my eyes.
I credit ‘How To Know God: The Soul’s Journey Into The Mystery Of Mysteries’ by Deepak Chopra with changing my life, my meditation practice, and the way I think about vision.
Here is an excerpt from my review of the book on Goodreads:
“(Deepak Chopra says:) ‘… the inside of one’s head should be as light as the outside of one’s head …’
I always thought that the inside of my head was dark, with occasional flashes of light (dreams and visions). I got this idea from the impression I get when I close my eyelids. It seemed pretty logical that when I shut off the input from my eyes, what remained was the inside of my head.
But who says that it is so?
Try this as an experiment: open your eyes and look at the things in front of them. You’ll notice that you have a range of just over 180 degrees and that everything is in full colour – right?
You only get full colour from the bit that’s directly in front of you – the rest of it – the periphery – is coloured in by the inside of your head. You can prove this yourself by getting someone to slowly move a coloured object into your field of vision – it’s only when it reaches well into that field that you can tell them what colour it is.
And actually, if you’re in a familiar place – the inside of your head does a pretty good job of filling in a 360 degree picture. It takes the sounds from behind you, combines these with memory and comes up with a full colour image of your wife (friend/colleague/mother/whatever) making a nice cup of tea – even while your eyes are looking in the opposite direction.
Is this ‘real’? Of course not – it’s on the inside of your head!
Even the stuff that’s right in front of you is just the inside of your head interpreting the patterns of lights coming in through your eyes and then making a best guess at what’s really out there. And most of the time it’s pretty good at it. The next time you don’t fall of the edge of a cliff (or down the stairs for that matter) you’ll appreciate how good a guess it is.
But is this ‘real’? Nope – it’s on the inside of your head!
‘But what’s the point of you telling me all this?’ I hear you say.
Well – the point is: God.
The next time you meditate – keep your eyes open – fix your eyes on something in front of you – really focus on it – keep focusing on it – then, with your ‘mind’s eye’, look up.
With a bit of practice, you’ll find that even though your eyes are open and firmly focused, you’ll stop ‘seeing’ whatever is in front of your physical eyes and instead you will see what’s on the inside of your head.
(Bear in mind that really – it’s all on the inside of your head.)
And – you know how they say that ‘God is up above’?
Well, you’ll quickly experience how easy it is to see God once you start looking at the world properly.
Don’t take my word for it – try it.”
So, what is this ‘sight’ business all about really? It’s obvious to me that it’s not just about light entering the eyes – there’s much, much more to it than that.
What does sight mean to you?