I heard on the news the other day that rapper Kanye West lost the songs for one of his albums when his daughter (North) flushed the only copy of them (on his iPhone) down the toilet. Whether this is true, or whether it’s just part of the publicity for his wife – Kim Kardashian’s latest TV show is neither here nor there – the big point is: who names their daughter North!!? Especially when their family name is West! Sigh.

That said – if this is true (the lost songs part) then I can sympathise with Mr West – he must have been devastated.

Inspired by this story, I turned my attention to the literary world to find that iPhones are not the only things to get flushed down the toilet of time.

Here are a few of the books and collections that have vanished without trace:

  • That big library at Alexandria got burned down
  • Loads of different parts of The Bible got vanished
  • Loads more stuff – but I can’t do this to you – it would be waaay too boring.

Here are a few things you can do to make sure that your masterpiece is not lost:

  • Write one
  • Back it up – now!
  • Make it interesting or useful
  • Publish it into the real world – not just online
  • Sell lots of copies to lots of people from all over the world
  • Give away a fire-blanket or fire-extinguisher with each copy of your book
  • Pray to every god, goddess, deity, tree-spirit etc. you know, that your book will be around forever
  • Get more exercise and improve your diet (okay – maybe nothing to do with books – but this is really good advice all the same).

Lots of things get lost. Don’t let one of them be you. If you find that you have a habit of wandering off, then consider getting yourself chipped. It’s relatively painless and could save your relatives and friends a whole heap of worry if you don’t show up for that dinner party. Also – consider letting people track you online. Maybe this will allow you could get yourself your very own stalker fans. There’s nothing that says ‘I love you’ quite like being stalked! Think about it – you deserve all that love.


20 thoughts on “Catastrophism

  1. ha ha…. Odd names North and West. Any predictions as to the names of the next (two) born. Do you think, an attempt to reach the poles ? Like the chip idea, for the wondering author (:-}, and your back it up now, imperative ! A serious note of advice. Something I could have done – all those lost pieces and fragments. I have, of now, made a promise to myself to buy a USB tomorrow…. I have thought about this, recently. Since reading your piece I feel doubly motivated. Thanks for that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That was a helpful piece, it seemed to have spunk, you’ve got spunk kid. I like your work. Would really appreciate your honest opinion on a few of my stories at Gastradamus, we need someone like you with that hair style. We love your hair at Gastradamus

      Liked by 2 people

      • Chat to me a little bit here first. I’m a little frightened of going over to you place and so may need a little coaxing. Are you running a hairdressing salon or something over there? 🙂
        Are you something like a Borg Collective? Do you have a particular style of writing? I’m into Sci-Fi, spirituality and the absurd – are we a fit? 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

    • I just smile indulgently when I read about the things people call their children. There are so very many languages and so many beautiful names. It’s not for me to protest – not even a little bit. I shouldn’t really have said anything. A child called North West will have as many advantages and disadvantages as any other child really.
      How did the USB buying trip go for you? Does Margate have a good shopping centre? 🙂
      Yes – we should all have mobile phones embedded in our cortex by a decade from now so we’ll be able to geo-locate each other very easily. Looking forward to it? 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. First, “write one.” Love that. Also, I don’t believe the child flushing story at all. It is possible he dropped it in the laundry basket and it got laundered but it is highly unlikely she would flush such an adorable toy, given that she’s always playing with an apple device (according to him). Yes, I admit, I have read his rants on Twitter.

    Liked by 1 person

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