Bertie: I must tell you of my wretched complaint.
Lydia: Oh, for the love of life, please tell me more, Bertie – I long to know of your complaints.
Bertie: The beans that I ate for lunch don’t seem to have agreed with me.
Lydia: Wait. I was rather under the impression that you wanted to talk about your complaint. Now you tell me that the beans are complaining too?
Bertie: After a fashion. They long to be free.
Lydia: Freedom. Hmm. And is your complaint of a similar nature?
Bertie: Not entirely. Although if the beans were to escape, one would certainly feel much freer.
Lydia: So, you wish to be divorced from these ‘beans’?
Bertie: Yes. But it seems that these things take time.
Lydia: Quite. Maybe we could effect a gradual dispersion of these bonds?
Bertie: That could help. The pressure does build. Rather excessive at times.
Lydia: Let’s try a little exercise. Bring these thoughts of freedom to the forefront of your mind and imagine that they are tiny birds in a cage. Now open the cage and cry ‘freedom!’
Lydia: Bertie? Are you thinking of freedom?
Lydia: Bertie. You’re going quite red in the face!
Bertie: Gmmmmhhhhaaahhhhh! Aaaaaaaah …
Lydia: Goodness Bertie, that stench! Do you smell it by any chance?
Bertie: Erm – no?
Lydia: Do be a dear and close the window – I think that perhaps farmers are spreading horse manure on nearby fields.
Bertie: Pleasure to oblige.
Lydia: Now, how went the exercise with you? Feel any better?
Lydia: Well, jolly good – now let’s tuck into these delicious cucumber sandwiches that cook has prepared.