Consolation of Philosophy

Bertie: I must tell you of my wretched complaint.

Lydia: Oh, for the love of life, please tell me more, Bertie – I long to know of your complaints.

Bertie: The beans that I ate for lunch don’t seem to have agreed with me.

Lydia: Wait. I was rather under the impression that you wanted to talk about your complaint. Now you tell me that the beans are complaining too?

Bertie: After a fashion. They long to be free.

Lydia: Freedom. Hmm. And is your complaint of a similar nature?

Bertie: Not entirely. Although if the beans were to escape, one would certainly feel much freer.

Lydia: So, you wish to be divorced from these ‘beans’?

Bertie: Yes. But it seems that these things take time.

Lydia: Quite. Maybe we could effect a gradual dispersion of these bonds?

Bertie: That could help. The pressure does build. Rather excessive at times.

Lydia: Let’s try a little exercise. Bring these thoughts of freedom to the forefront of your mind and imagine that they are tiny birds in a cage. Now open the cage and cry ‘freedom!’

Bertie: Unnhhhh!

Lydia: Bertie? Are you thinking of freedom?

Bertie: Unnnggghhhhhh!

Lydia: Bertie. You’re going quite red in the face!

Bertie: Gmmmmhhhhaaahhhhh! Aaaaaaaah …

Lydia: Goodness Bertie, that stench! Do you smell it by any chance?

Bertie: Erm – no?

Lydia: Do be a dear and close the window – I think that perhaps farmers are spreading horse manure on nearby fields.

Bertie: Pleasure to oblige.

Lydia: Now, how went the exercise with you? Feel any better?

Bertie: Rather!!

Lydia: Well, jolly good – now let’s tuck into these delicious cucumber sandwiches that cook has prepared.

Bertie: Delightful!

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