talking more than types

OK Robert, think of a character for a story that is not a stereotype. You have fifteen minutes starting NOW!

A chocolate bar that really wants to be a solid state drive and so mewls constantly to all who would hear (if they had ears) that it would fit in the space in the laptop quite nicely, especially if you ate the first four chunks and nibbled the end off neat and tidy like. But the audience consisted of two wooden penguins, a spider plant, a crumpled up tissue 20% full of snot and a coaster made of bamboo that went round and around and you get the idea, right? None of them had ears and even if they had it would be like the cow in the Restaurant at the End of the Universe trying to persuade Arthur Dent to eat it. Not going to happen matey!

There is of course scientific evidence that if a chocolate bar were moist enough it would be able to store data just as efficiently as a SSD, but you would have to go to the fringes of science to find it and even then you would be vilified for your beliefs by those who uphold the notion that the world is one big clockwork orange, except not quite as orange and not as edible. Rest assured that I’d get you the references now but I’m kind of on a clock at the moment and besides that I’m pretty sure I lost at least 53.6674% of my audience on the word ‘drive’ and I wouldn’t want to lose any more of you precious, precious people to the void that is represented by the back button on your browser. Step away from the back button!

Actually, on reflection the only real reason I don’t go for the evidence is that the chocolate bar is mewling again and I just happen to have ears that are nicely curved and that reminds me that non-stereotypical characters in stories should be ‘well rounded’ and that, my fine furry friend (albeit without the fur and not at all as friendly as the nice lady in Marks & Spencer said you would be) is that for your hopes of being the main squeeze in my latest story, for the truth is that you are square, square, square(fully stop) Oh darn it, this paragraph looks too short for my slight OCD tendency to bear and so I must type a few more characters to finish it off. There, I think that should do it.

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9 thoughts on “talking more than types

  1. Oh well, great beginning as usual, that was definitely an original character 🙂 But I’m afraid you lost me towards the end, I’m not much into the stream of consciousness stuff … I need some solid narrative logic to hold on to, while your ramblings, alas, made my mind go in circles. I pitied your poor square character though 😛

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    • Yeah – they were my two intentions here:
      (1) write a stream of consciousness
      (2) confuse the heck out of all my readers.
      Look on the bright side – you were in the top quartile – most of them gave up after ‘solid state drive’.
      Where did I lose you Dessie? What’s the last thing you got? Maybe a slight rewrite would be useful.

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      • Well, I know the ‘my furry friend’ reference is supposed to be funny, but why is the chocolate not friendly? Because of all the mewling? And anyway, you’ve already used that technique earlier with the clockwork orange that’s not orange, so why don’t you go for something different here? And the last two sentence s– well, they’re obviously not necessary and that’s what’s supposed to make them funny, but for me they simply demonstrate that you didn’t know how to finish the story. Better just go buy a pair of ear plugs and the mewling should stop, eh?
        And of course, that’s strictly personal opinion

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      • Excellent points – particularly about using the same ‘technique’ twice. Of course, you know that this isn’t a story though – just an excerpt from my thought processes?
        If this really is so, then what you’re suggesting is that someone should not have the same kind of thought twice!
        I suppose I have to decide whether this is art or ‘real life’ and if it is the former then …
        Yes – you’re right Dessie – it must be put right.

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  2. Comment by Amrita Sen on the Future Learn forum (with permission):
    Another wonderfully hilarious story – Robert style! Oh, the ideas you come up with! I forgot there was a back button, I was too interested in the fate of the poor chocolate bar. But, I’m afraid your character just isn’t rounded enough. Perhaps you should have gone with a chocolate hobnob instead. Though not sure how good a solid state drive that would make… #LAIS

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  3. Comment from Orpha Smith on the Future Learn forum (permission pending):
    A chocolate bar wouldn’t be safe around me. I would gobble it down at once! I resisted the awful back arrow until I finished your story.

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