familiar words in unfamiliar places

First – my original draft with familiar words in familiar places:

It was getting late and the fire in the hearth was going out. Samantha sat up lazily, stretching her arms as she debated whether to stir the coals or climb the stairs to bed. She swivelled her legs to the floor and eased her feet into warm slippers.

Standing brought the familiar ache in her back so she planted her feet firmly and, digging her hands into her sides, bent her body backwards.

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of her neck began to rise and she had the strangest sense that someone was watching her. Slowly she straightened and turned towards the window behind her – curtains open – moon full and high above her isolated yard.

She shivered despite the warmth and, hurrying towards the window, yanked the curtains shut.

It didn’t help.

Then, as quickly as it had arrived, the feeling left her and she snorted a delighted laugh into the air – “Damn it Robert – are you writing about me again?!”


And now the redraft with familiar words in unfamiliar places:

It was getting late and the fire in the hearth was getting ready to sleep. Samantha unwound, stretching upwards as she debated whether to stir the coals or climb the stairs to bed. She swivelled her legs to the floor and snuggled her feet into warm slippers.

Standing brought the familiar knife in her back so she planted her feet firmly and, softly punching her sides, made like a banana.

Suddenly, the hairs on the back of her neck prickled and she had the strangest sense of being watched. She straightened inchmeal and turned towards the yawing window – moon spooky above her isolated yard.

Shivering despite the warmth she hurried forward and yanked the curtains shut.

It didn’t help.

Then, as quickly as it had arrived, the feeling fled and she snorted a delighted laugh into the air – “Damn it Robert – are you writing about me again?!”

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